Finding our way
by brittanahurts
Summary: Life on New york might be fun with friends. But you will always miss your old friends and the little things that made you who you are. At the end of the day, you just need those two blue eyes to stare at you to tell you "I love you". Love is Love.
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: Well hi, this is going to be really different, i'm going to focus on different place and of course the main couple is Brittana because they are the most lovely couple of all. But here's a lot of characters too. Happy Reading :-)

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New York City.

The weather freaking sucks. The sky is so gray and all day has been a total torture. It has been raining all day and nobody's outside because you could die of how cold is. And you have to stay in your apartment with your two favorite gays in the whole world. But of course, you have to stay strong and hide your feelings because that's what makes you this person. You love these two gays so much it hurts. They are your best friends.

You should stop saying your two gays. Because Rachel keeps saying she's straight but you know she loves with all her soul one of your best friends Quinn Fabgay. I mean Fabray.

Ugh. And the worse part is that you are watching a lot of broadway movies. You like broadway movies but you hate when Kurt and Rachel pause the movie to do some impressions.

You hate impressions because you remember of a guy with a big mouth.

Sam.

That guy. You hated his impressions because they were strangely funny.

It has been 6 months since you don't see him and you really miss him. That idiot.

You actually miss everyone. You miss everybody in the glee club. Those dorks always made you smile and laugh.

They were your best friends and you could be yourself in front of them. You could say some nonsense stuff and they wouldn't judge.

Sigh.

You can't wait to meet them again. But at least you have these two.

Rachel and Kurt. At firsth you thought it was going to be a torture but you actually like them a lot. They are amazing and stupid and they make you laugh. But the most important thing, they are always there to you if you need them.

But you miss with all your forces a special someone. The reason of your smile and the reason of being you.

Brittany.

Your Brittany. You miss her so much, you always send her text all day, all day night. Sometimes just to say "Hi" "Good morning" "I miss you" "Goodnight" or "I love you"

You fucking miss her so much. Even when you talk to her all day, that's not enough.

She's also your best friend and you miss her laugh. And her smile. Especially her smile.

That smile that could bring sun on the rainest day.

Yes, sounds cheesy, but it's true. You're in love with her and new york would be better if she was with you.

But she will be soon. She's with her parents on Ohio for a little while because her cousin had a baby, so it's family time. She'll be here soon. That's all that matters.

"Santana?" the voice of a sleepy girl says. "What are you doing? Thinking about Brittany again?"

"Yes, Rachel, Yes." you says annoyed. Rachel knows you so well. You don't know if that's good or really, really bad.

"I knew it." she says while she grabs a cup of tea. "Where's Kurt? Is he at NYADA?"

NYADA. The college of their dreams. But it's actually a nightmare. They keep talking about it and they say you should go too. But you have to think about it. You're not sure what you're doing with your life to be honest.

"Yeah, he left in like an hour. What about you?"

"Oh" she sighs. "I don't feel really good so i took a break. My head is going to explode!"

"Are you okay?" you say and you sit in front of her. "You were fine yesterday."

"I think it might be that i didn't slept all night." and she drinks her tea. "I shouldn't have talked all night."

"With who?" you say surprised. "If you talked with Finn all night i swear to god i-"

"With Quinn." she cuts you off. And you look at her surprised. "Don't look at me like that okay? She's just my friend."

"Yeah, aha sure." you say in a sarcastic mood. "We'll see what happens ladies."

And Rachel laughs and throws you a pillows. "Hey, hey, hey." a voice says from the door. "Stop the violence girls." kurt says.

Ugh. Did he have to say that sentence?

You remember when you fought with Quinn and your angel came over and said "Stop the violence"

"Brittany." you think.

Kurt lefts his coat at the couch and sits on the same table.

"Hello, my girls." he says with a big smile. "What's new here?"

Rachel looks at you and you say. "Our baby girl is joining our team!" you scream.

"I'm going to kill you!" Rachel says throwing pillows to you.

You both run and then you fall and start laughing and Rachel lays on the couch laughing her ass off too.

"You guys are craycray." Kurts says hiding a smile.

You three watch a little show and then you go to bed.

You call Brittany and then you hear her sleepy voice.

"Hey, San." she sounds like a baby.

"Hey, Britt." you say with a smile on your face. "You were sleeping baby? i'm sorry?"

"It's okay. I was helping my cousin with the baby and i'm really tired but i could talk to you even on the world's end."

"I love you so much" you say almost with tears on your face.

"I love you too." she replies.

You both talk almost 1 hour but suddenly she doesn't answer and you could swear you're hearing her cute snorings.

She's so cute. But you don't hung up.

You put the phone on your ear to imagine she's by your side. Like she has been all these years when you were hiding of who you really are.

"I miss you" you whisper.

Suddenly, you fall asleep too. Hearing her breath and imagining she's next to you.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: Hi! i hope you enjoyed that chapter and hopefully you will enjoy this one too! And i'm still trying to figure out which is the best day to update.. Happy reading! :)

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Another day in New York city. You strangely like this city, you always thought you were a LA girl but you like this. New York is amazing and you just love the people on here.

Yesterday was a tough day for Rachel and you.

Kurt was really sad because he found out about Blaine cheating on him. Ouch.

You still can't believe about that. Blaine is such a loyal guy and he loves Kurt. But people always make mistakes and maybe he felt lonely.

But of course, that's not an excuse.

You feel lonely too but you love Brittany the most and you would never do that to her. And to yourself. Because hurting Brittany it's hurting you.

Kurt cried all day even though when you said you loved his outfit and he looked really handsome. You thought you would make him feel better because you always say bad things about his clothes but he cried more. He's going to be okay, time will fix it. I hope it does.

Rachel told him all these stories about break up's and how sometimes they might be good. Because if you're destined to be with someone _you will always find the way to make it. _

Rachel was a little sad too even though she didn't tell you why, you know something is happening and you're going to discover it.

But now Rachel is watching some tv show about relationships and you're pretty sure something happened between her and Finn.

Ugh. She has to move on.

Wait. Finn and her broke up like a year ago. She was sad but that was it. She talks with him sometimes but she is never sad about it. It must be another person..

Quinn.

Something happened betweent these two and Rachel doesn't want to tell you but, don't worry, you will find out.

"Rachel.." you say siting next to her. "Are you okay? You don't even like this show.."

"People change."

"I know, but you told me once that when you watch this show it's because you're sad.."

She's watching a show about a girl who's always lonely and one day she finds the love of her life but then he dies so everything is a sad story.

She turns up the volume and with that you know she wants to be alone. There's this thing about Rachel, she's really strong. She helps people and make them feel better but she doesn't ask for help and she never cries in front of people. Well, real tears. She cries but fake tears like in a musical.

"I'll be on my room" you kiss her on the cheek and you know she's about to cry. So you left her quickly.

You sit on your bed and start jumping like crazy. You remember that Brittany once told you "_Jumping on the bed makes everything better, you disappear for a moment and you feel like in mars!"_

You remember that and start crying. You miss her so much if she was here with you she will help you to make you feel better. She would help Rachel. She would hel Kurt. She has something that makes everyone feel better.

She makes you happy and you are really sad without her. New york sucks without her.

You suddenly fall of the bed and you see a book under your bed.

It's pink and has some letters glued on the front. It says _"Our story."_

You open the book and it's writen with crayons.

"Brittany." you say gently.

The book is asunder on chapters. Just like a normal book.

You read the first chapter and you know she's talking about you. She wrote it to you. You start crying because you remember how you both met.

You joined the cheerios because you wanted to be popular but it was really tough at the beginning. You had no friends because it was the second day of school.

So one day you were really tired of Coach Sue and you decided to go to your locker and drink a little of water. When you got in you were not the only one. You saw a blond girl drawing on a table. She looked so little. You went to your locker and started drinking and suddenly someone was behind you.

"Hi i'm Brittany!" she said with a big smile.

"Oh hi, i'm Santana.." you said shyly.

"Would you like to draw with me?"

"Hmm, of course i don't want to come back with coach sue.." you said but you don't know how to draw but you accepted anyways.

She smiled and you both started drawing. You drawed an unicorn and she smiled so big. "I love unicorns!" she said and gave you a hug. "I already like you! Would you be my friend?" she said with a smile and her eyes were shinning.

"Of course." you answered smiling back. She hugged you and you hugged her back.

You hate hugs but coming of Brittany, you would hug her all the time and never let her go.

And that was it. You both talked everyday, you really liked her and in less of two week you were best friends with her.

You sit on the ground remembering all of that.

"You changed my life" you say at a picture of Brittany.

You grab your phone and call her but she doesn't answer so you text her.

_"Brittany, i found the book. I love you so much, i can't believe you still remember how we met. You are the love of my life. And i would do anything for you. I miss you and i can't wait to see you."_

You send her the text and grab the photo of Brittany holding it strong to your chest.

"I would do anything for you" you whisper, hoping she knows you would.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's note: Hey, hope you are enjoying it so far! tell me what you think ;)

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Here you are in one of the places you thought you would never be.

NYADA.

What are you doing here? Rachel told you it's really hard to get in but she was the most excited to have another friend here. Kurt helped you with the audition, you are going to sing "black to black" because you love Amy Winehouse and your voice fits perfect with the song.

The real reason to be here is not because you are obsessed with this school. The real reason is Rachel and Kurt. They have been sad all the week, Kurt over the break up and Rachel, well Rachel, you have no idea.

When you told them about joining NYADA they jumped of joy, they have been telling you to join since you moved in with them and you did it to see them happy but you don't want to accept it but you kinda like it. Just a little.

You are sitting in a living room, the couch is big and a little brown, this room is really big and you are the only one sitting there. That's because everyone is already in. You think this might be crazy. How would you get in? It's not that easy, everyone wants to be in this school. And here you are, waiting for Carmen Tibideaux to get out of her office.

You are a really nervous because this is going to change your life in a thousand ways.

If you get in, you are not going to have time to do other things, you are going to be really busy, you'll have one real reason to stay in new york and brittany...

"Brittany!" you think.

You didn't tell her about it, but it's going to be a nice surprise if you get in. She's going to be really happy and she's going to live with Hummelberry and you.

But if you don't get in, you'll have to look for a job, maybe on vogue you have really sence of fashion, you don't care if Kurt says you don't, because you think you look fine and you don't dress up like a clown. Kurt sometimes does. Well, that's what you think.

"Santana Lopez." a lady says waving at you. " Ms. Tibideaux is waiting for you."

You nod and you get up and you could swear your legs are shaking.

You open the door and she's sitting there writing something on her desk. You look at her and now you're more nervous and afraid. She's a little creepy.

"Hello, Ms. Lopez." she says looking at you. "Ready to do it?"

"Uhm, yes." you say looking at her shyly. "I'm Santana Lopez and i'm going to sing "Back to black" hope you like it"

Ugh. You sounded so bad but Rachel told you to do that intro so you did it. You really hope she doesn't think you are a smug. Because you are not.

You start singing confident and she stares at you through all the song. You could swear she's not blinking.

You finish the song and you smile a little. She writes something on her paper. "Take a sit" she says.

You nod and you sit on this white little couch.

"Look Ms. Lopez, we are not accepting people right now because they are already on classes so it's really hard to do it" you nod and you are a little sad. "But.." she says smiling. "You have a powerful voice. I just can't let you go lady. Your voice is really hard to find in other places and here i have you in front of me so.. Of course, you are in. You start on next Monday. Nice to meet you." she says holding your hand.

"Oh my god, Thank you so much. I won't let you down. Thank you, thank you, thank you." you say smiling big and she's smiling too. She's not that creepy.

You can't believe that just happened. You can't believe you are going to this college.

Your legs are still shaking and you find Kurt and Rachel outside the office.

"What did she say?" Rachel says staring at you.

"Please don't cry." Kurt says holding you hand.

"I'm in!" you say a little loud. And they scream of joy.

"Oh my god, oh my god." Kurt and Rachel say. The both hold your hands and you three are a little circle and you all jump of joy and laugh.  
You just can't believe it. Kurt and Rachel had to go to class but they both hugged you and kisses you and they were really happy for you and you just love them so much.

You think this is a dream and when you open the door of the apartment, you definitely think this is a dream.

There's a a girl sitting on the couch. With her blonde hair and the brightest eyes you have ever seen.

"Brittany?" you say ans she stands up. "Brittany!" you scream and you go to hug her with all your strenght. "Oh my god, i can't believe it!"

"Santana!" she says holding you back. "I missed you so much."

You sit on the couch with her holding hands.

"What are you doing here? Why didn't you tell me?" you says still smiling. You have missed her so much you just don't want to let her go.

"I wanted it to be a surprise!" she says smiling.

Oh, you have missed her so much. Her smile, her eyes, everything. You are just too happy.

You both talk about her cousin and what she has been doing there for along time.

"I have missed you so much San." she says staring at you and holding you hand with all her strenght.

"I've missed you too." you say smiling. "But i won't let you go okay?"

She nods. "Pinky promise?" she says.

God, she's so cute.

"Pinky. Promise." you reply and you are too close to her that your lips are touching. How you've missed her kisses.

You can taste her lipstick and your tongue is dancing with hers. You just want to stay like this forever.

She puts herself back and smiles big. "Finally." she sighs.

You both laugh and you kiss her again.

"Ladies, please don't kiss on my couch." Kurt says with a smile.

"We can't promise anything.." Brittany says. "You look good Kurt, I love your hat! Can i use it one day?"

"Of course Britt." he replies. "I'm really tired, i think we all should go to sleep. Brittany you can sleep on the couch." Brittany and you look at him surprised and your mouths are open. "Kidding." he says laughing and you both throw pillows at him.

"You are the worse!" You scream at him laughing with Brittany. "C'mon Brittany, let's go to sleep." you say at her holding her hand. She looks so sleepy.

She lays on the bed next to you. "San..Can i ask you something?" you nod. "Did you liked the book?"

"I loved it" you reply. "I'm almost in the day we told your parents about it.."

"Oh, You're almost there.." she says smiling.

"Almost where?"

"Shhh, it's a surprise." she says giving you a little kiss on the lips.

You pout and she laughs.

You both stare at each other for a long time and she falls asleep. You kiss her on the forehead and you close your eyes.

Holding her hand and wishing you could be with her for the rest of your lives.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's note: let me know what you think!

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_Saturday, New york._

This has been one of the greatest days of your life. Kurt and Rachel left for a sleepover on NYADA and you have the apartment only for Brittany and you. Do you need to say something more?

You could dance with her all day, kiss her, hug her, everything.

You just want to be with her. Only with her.

Crap!

You haven't told her about NYADA. You are going to college on Monday and you haven't told your girlfriend about it.

Jesus Christ. You are so forgetful.

How could you remember about college when you have the love of your life in front of you? You don't care about anything else when she's holding your hand.

But you have to tell her.

You take a quick shower and you dress up. You are now wearing some shorts and a black shirt. Black is like New York city color. Well, Rachel told you that.

When you get out of your room you see Brittany sitting on the couch eating some candies and Lord Tubbington is by her side.

You sit in front of her and she smiles.

"I've missed you so much Lord T!" you tell the cat stroking his hair.

"He has missed you too! He was always crying." Brittany told you with a cute smile and you give a little kiss on the lips.

"Britt, i need to tell you something..." she nods and grabs your hand. "I did an audition to NYADA and i got accepted!" you say with a big smile.

"Oh my god!" she says and gives you a strong hug. "I'm so happy for you, you're going to be the best!" you smile at her.

"I love you so much, thank you for supporting me" she smiles back.

"Of course, we are girlfriends right? We have to support each other's dreams." you nod and you give her a kiss.

She sighs. "What's wrong?" you say a little surprised.

"I forgot to tell you about this.." she grabs your hand. "Please, don't be mad." you nod. "I did a little dance audition in Ohio and i got accepted too! My family is really happy about it and i start on Wednesday. They said my moves were perfect and in a couple of years i could be dancing with stars!" you look at her surprised.

"Britt! I'm so happy for you" and give her a little hug. "But... Are you going back to Ohio?"

"Yes.. i am" she says sadly.

"But Brittany, i don't want a long distance relationship. I want you to be here, with me." you say stroking her hand.

"Santana i really like that school. I didn't tell you but i've always wanted to get in. Why don't you go with me? Ohio is your home anyways."

"But.." you say staring at her. Her eyes are so bright, you don't want to dissapoint her. "I really love New York. I don't want to go back.. And i really like NYADA"

"But you told me you did it because Kurt and Rachel." she says putting her hand off.

"I know, but i kinda like it. I really want to go..." you say holding her hand again. "Please stay with me.. you can join another school here!"

She puts her hand away from you and she gets up. "Why do i have to do that San? Why do i have to go away my dream? I've always helped you with your dreams and you want me to go away mine?"

She's really mad. She's being serious. You have never saw Brittany that way. Only a couple of times.

"I'm not saying that." you get up too. "I'm just saying that..." you sigh. "I'm going to miss you so much but i promise i'm going to Ohio often okay?"

She smiles a little. "Thank you and i'm sorry San" she holds your hand. "I love you so much." She kisses you.

She then goes to take a shower but the reality is, you are not happy. You don't want to stay away from her and you don't know how will this end up.

But one think is for sure.

_You will always love her the most._


	5. Chapter 5

Author's note: I think you all should know i'm going to make this fanfic realistic, it's going to be sad sometimes but you know love is love and Brittana is definitely going to be together, just hope. Happy Reading.

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_New York City, October 3rd._

You woke up in the morning feeling a deep empty inside you. You've feeling this way since two weeks ago and it keeps growing. And you can't do anything to stop feeling this way.

You feel like a bad girlfriend.

Brittany left two weeks and a half ago and you freacking miss her so much.

You call her every single day but you don't talk that much like you used to.

First of all, you have classes at the same time so when you get out of college she's still on hers. Two more hours.

She says it's really tired.

She's dancing with professionals. Of course it's tired.

She's the best dancer in this world to you though.

So when you have the chance to talk, you just talk about how much you miss her and that's it. Because she has to sleep. And you have too.

NYADA can be really tired.

You never thought you would be this miserable in New York.

There was this time when you loved New York so hard. But you loved it because you felt loved. And you felt loved because Brittany was with you. She kept being cute and she kept talking about a lot of places here in New York. Like that she wanted to go to the Eiffel tower.

Ugh. She's so cute.

You remember hat you explained her that the Eiffel tower is in Paris and she was so depressed because she said she wanted to do something in the top of the tower. She didn't tell you what was it. She just said you would know one day.

You finally get up of your bed leaving all your thoughts there. You don't want to feel this way anymore.

You go straight out to the kitchen and you grab the cereal. Lucky charms.

_Brittany._

Lucky charms is her favorite cereal and she left it because she said it was going to give you some luck in college.

You sit and you start to eating not with a lot of enthusiasm. At least there's no school for three days.

"Hey, Good morning sleepy queen, how was the dream?" a guy with a cute accent says to you. You can't control a little smile.

"Hey, i slept well i guess, i don't know" you say a little sad now. You just can't stop remembering how you used to wake up everyday with a smile on your face because a blond was watching you and ready to say _good morning._ Brittany used to wake up earlier than you everyday and she used to stay with you till you opened your eyes. Sometimes you were pretending you were sleping just to feel Brittany's eyes looking at you.

Sigh.

"Oh, sweetie, everything's gonna be okay" he says stroking your cheek and giving you a cute smile. He can be so damn cute. Of course you don't like him. But you met him like a week ago and you consider him your friend already. He makes you feel better, he's realistic. "I know you'll see Brittany soon."

"Thanks Adam, seriously, thank you." you say holding his hand trying not to cry. "I really hope everything gets better."

"Oh sweetie, it's gonna be. I promise." he gets up and waves at Rachel. "Hey Rach."

"Hey, Adam. When's Kurt?" she says smiling. "Please don't tell me he went to buy coffee only because i'm late. That coffee is full of people right now! It's really cold outside."

"Yes, he was desesperate."

"Oh god." she says laughing. "Poor Kurt but i told him to wait." she grabs some cookies and sits in front of you. "Good morning Santana."

"Good morning" you says holding your tears. You seriously need to stop eating this cereal. You remember Brittany more and more with every spoonful.

Adam seems to notice and he goes to Kurt's room. Well, they are kinda a thing so, it's not a thing so be surprised of.

"What's wrong Santana? Brittany? I told you everything will be okay.." she says holding your hand.

"I don't want to wait to things to be okay! I want to be okay now!" you say a little louder and letting the tears come down your face. "I miss her Rachel, i miss her." you say sitting on the floor. "I feel so bad. I'm such a horrible girlfriend, i can't go on weekends, i can't call her. Are we even a thing?"

She stares at you for a little while. And the apartment is so silent. Your sobs is the only thing you can her to be honest. After a while Rachel sits next to you and grabs your hand.

"Santana, i know it must be hard to be away from the person you love. Look, why don't you go to Ohio? You are on vacations and i know she's not but at least you could spend some time with her and do what you gotta do." you look at her sadly and shaking your head. "I know it sounds horrible but.. _You just gotta do the mature thing._"

"I can't Rachel, i can't" you say shaking your head and sobbing harder.

"I don't want to see you like this anymore." she says cleaning some tears of her eyes. "You will always love Brittany right? no matter what. But long distance relationships hurts. So much. If you guys are meant to be- that i know you are- you'll be together, one day."

You sadly nod and go to your room full of thoughts. You can't believe this is happening. You just know what Rachel said it's true.

You will always love Brittany but life is not easy. You don't want to have this pain anymore. You just need her, you wish you could go back to the start.

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_Ohio, October 4th._

Brittany and you have been talking about school and how is so difficult to be away from each other. Brittany says school has been amazing but she misses you so much, after that she had to go and now you're in the park. Thinking about what to do.

It feels good to be home. There's a lot of memories going on your head. How you wish you could go back to your high schoold days and everything. You hate this feeling so you go to brittany's school and to do things fast. Maybe that way it won't hurt that much.

You get in a room and it looks like a little dance classroom and you sit waiting for Brittany. After a while you see the blond coming.

"Hey, What are you doing here?"

"We need to talk." you say serious. She sits next you and looks at you. "Brittany we can't pretend thing are the way they were because they aren't. I can't come to home on weekend, you can't go to New York. We don't have time to skype or even to talk. What is this? We are nothing. It just hurts so much to know you are not by my side anymore and i don't want to hurt you. We are people and maybe one day you'll be atractted to someone and things like that happens.."

"I would never cheat on you" she says and tears come down your face.

"I know and i would never cheat on you too. But things like that happens. And we need to do the right thing." she shakes her head and hold your hand crying. "Let's just do the mature thing here okay? This is not the end for us okay?"

"But Santana-"

"Brittany." you cut her off. "This is for the best. _You know i will always love you the most._" you both clean your tears and you kiss her.

You don't want to think this is the end. Because it's not. This is not the goodbye kiss. You just know this is something it was going to happen. But she's the love of your life and she'll always be your best friend no matter what.


	6. Chapter 6

_New York City._

You've been watching the notebook several times but you never get to the endm you just want to watch the sad parts and hopefully one day you will watch the end with Brittany by your side.

You miss her so much. You thought breaking up with her it was going to make everything better but it's worse. You have cried everyday aince you left Ohio. 3 days exactly. But at least you know she will be more happy and focus on school. And you have to do the same, you have to make her proud and that's all what you want. But the idea of someone else being with Brittany kills you. You don't want anybody to kiss her lips, hold her hands or play with her hair. You just don't. It kills you but all you want is Brittany to be happy so if she's happy, nothing else really matters. You just want to see her smile even if she's with someone else. Because if she's happy, you are happy too and you know you will always be her best friend and she will always be yours. Proudly so.

Also, you have been reading the book she made for you but that always makes you depressed so you are going to stop for a while. It really hurts because you know that book is going to have a break up at the end. But you know that's not the end.

In other news, Kurt is now dating Adam and is one of the little things that makes you happy lately. Because both of them seem to really love each other and you love both of them so everything's good.

You wish Brittany could meet Adam one day. He's really cute and funny. Just like her and you know they would be really good friend. Adam always talks about kids movies and he loves candies and everything. He really is like Brittany in some ways but there's nobody like her. No one.

The bad thing about that is that Rachel has been really sad like you. Ugh, how you wish Brittany were here and we had never broken up. But the thing is that you actually broke up with her and that freacking hurts and you have to stop hurting yourself and you have to be happy in some way, at least now you miss her, of course you do, but you don't feel horrible for being a bad girlfriend but it sucks anyways. Something about Rachel is really bad and she refuses to tell me about it and it freacking suck because you actually want to help her, she's your friend and it's not fair she doesn't trust you. You're going to figure it out but it's gonna be really hard like, what the hell is Rachel berry thinking? She does has really deep thoughts so it's goning to be really difficult but she's your friend and you know she would do the same thing for you. She would try to figure out and she would listen to you and try to help you and that's what you're going to do.

You feel so lonely right now. Rachel is in her room and you don't think she's going to be out in while so you let her be. Kurt and Adam are on a date so they are going to be out for a while. You don't have nothing to do, you can't call Brittany she's on class and you think it's good to have some individual time and you don't want to keep watching sad movies about people who dies in front of her/his loves so you sit on the couch and you pick your phone and you start to call someone.

Quinn.

She's like the last person you would talk to because you always fight with her but she's one of your best friends. Remember the unholy trinity?. Of course you do, you met Brittany and Quinn first and you never stopped talking to Quinn. But she's more like your frenemie but you still love her. Everyone knows who the bitch is, and that bitch is you. It's obvious, nobody wins you. But you really need to talk with someone.

"Santana?" she says surprised. "How are you huh? Why didn't you call me before?"

"I've been good and why didn't you call me huh?" you say with sarcasm. "You've been so busy with your girlfriend that you didn't have time for your best friend"

"My girlfriend?" Quinn says. "Rachel? Oh c'mon, we are only friends."

"I didn't say anything about Rachel." you say with a smile. This is the kind of smile you do when you make some moves and they fall for it. It's just awesome. She stays quiet for a while and then you talk again. "Oh c'mon Q, it's pretty obvious you like her, everyone knows it."

"Santana... Stop! please. It's none of your business so just please stay out of this." she says serious.

"Quinn, i love you and Rachel and i want you both to be happy and you would be so happy with her and Rachel would too. I'm not joking Quinn. I'm being serious you can trust me, nobody will judge or anything. Everyone already knows so..." you hear some sobs at the other side of the phone. "Quinn, are you okay?"

"I screwed everything Santana. I'm the worse i don't deserve anything, i don't deserve her.." she sighs and you hear more sobs. "I knew she loved me and i just ignored her, i didn't care and then.." she stops and she starts to cry. What can you do? You just have to listen and give her some advice but now you know the reason of Rachel being sad. It's because of Quinn. Of course it was for her. Love hurts. "Then i told her i'm dating someone else and we had a fight and everything she said to me was true. She said i played with her feelings and i know i did. I broke her heart Santana, i broke it. I'm the worse person in the world. I don't want to feel this way anymore and she won't talk to me anymore and i understand her. I just want her to be happy and i can't stop feeling guilty for everything."

She keeps crying for a long time and you try to calm her but she's crying so hard and you know everything she said she mean it and she feels so bad and it breaks you heart too.

"Quinnie, don't worry i'm going to talk with her. You just gotta do the right thing. I don't have idea what that is, but i know you will okay? Please don't feel this way anymore you're going to be okay." she sighs and you sigh too. "I know this sucks but i guess everything's gonna get better one day. I love you Quinnie, i'll talk to you another day."

"I love you too and thanks." she hungs up and you throw your phone to the floor. You are actually so tired of everyone being hurt. You wish all could be like in high school and you wish you could stop thinking that because it's not gonna be. You are just so tired of this.

You go to Rachel's room and you're ready to think about an advice if she needs one, you just know Rachel is really depressed and you have never seen her like this, she doesn't even want to go to NYADA. That's really bad, she loves NYADA so she's really broken and you will try to fix it. You're good at these things, everyone thinks you're numb to other's people feelings but that's not true at all. You are really a bitch, but when it comes to your family or friends, you are there for them and you will always will no matter what. Rachel is your friend and you love her and you won't let her broke apart, she's really beyond all bearing sometimes but you would rather see her like that than sad.

You knock the door and nobody answers so you open it. You see this girl that's definitely not Rachel, her eyes are red, her smile is not bright and she's just broken. That can't be Rachel but she is. See her like that brokes your heart and you just want to see her happy like before.

"Ra-Rachel?" you whisper. "Babe, let's talk please." you beg. She looks at you holding her tears and she sits in front of you.

"Everything is wrong Santana, everything."

"Rachel i know you're really hurt but please try to be happy a little, that Quinn thing is going to go away soonand i know you both are going to be together and i know it's hard but it's gonna be okay." you smile a little at her.

"That's not the only thing.." she says. "My dancer teacher makes me feel like crap, my dads don't call me anymore and Quinn.." she sighs. "Well Quinn doesn't feel anything for me and i just can't move on."

"Rachel i'll help you with that teacher okay? Just ignore her and Quinn does love you Rachel, i talked to her and she's really hurt too, she loves you Rach." you hold her hand.

"I don't know about that and it doesn't really matters anyways, she's taken." she says cleaning her tears. "And she's far away, lond distance relationships don't work, look at you and Brittany, i never saw someone love another as much as you do with Brittany and Brittany does with you. I never thought you girls would break up but guess what? It happened and if you and Brittany couldn't make it well i guess Quinn and i won't neither and it's okay. She doesn't love me."

"But.." you say without holding your tears. What she said it's true. You love Brittany more than you love yourself, you love her more than like, more than everything and you are not with her anymore and everytime you remember it you die a little. "I still love Britt, Rachel. I will always will and i won't give up on her and you should give up on Quinn either." you hold her hand. "We're not broken just bent and we can learn to love again."

"We'll make it right?" she says. You nod and you hold her against you giving her the biggest hug you would.

"Everything's gonna be okay, we are gonna be okay." you say hugging her and you both are crying and tears won't stop.

You stay with Rachel till she falls asleep, it's not too late but you prefer she sleeps for a while she's really a mess, you are a mess too but you are strong enough to draw a smile on your face and everyone would think you are the happiest girl in the world when you are the unhappy one. You lay down with Rachel for a while and then you let her sleep alone. You get out of her room and you find Kurt and Adam kissing on the couch, you would go to your room but you want some fun so you grab a pillow and you hide it behind you.

"Hello, hello gays." you say. They both look scared and surprised like two thiefs. Well, they are stealing your time and you want to wath some TV and you won'be watch your favorite tv show if they are kissing next to you. Ugh, young love.

"Oh my god Santana i thought you were outside." Kurt says fixing his hair. Why does he keep doing that? He doesn't have that much hair anyways.

"Oh calm down grandma, i won't hit anyone this time." Kurt smiles remembering high school just like you did. "Or maybe i will!" You throw the pillow to him and you can see he's kinda mad because he hates when you or Rachel play with his pillows.

"Santana!" he screams. "These pillows are really fancy! Stop!"

"Oh c'mon have some fun grandma, you know what? I'm gonna stop calling you Kurt. Your new nickname is grandma okay? You really look like mine anyways. It's going to be easy."

"Oh, oh." Adam says. "Run Santana! I'm gonna hold him!"

"Are you on team A now? I thought you were better!" Kurt says to him laughing. We all laugh a little because he's ridiculous.

"Stop with pretty little liars okay?" I say sitting next to him. "I'm the only one allowed to talk about it. Pretty little liars belong to me and only me. You can watch Dora la exploradora if you want."

"Santana, PLL doesn't belong to you okay, and Dora la exploradora? Is that spanish? It's Dora the explorer, you mexican ass." Kurt says.

"I'm a proud latina you loser." you hit him and he laughs. "And please don't kiss on my couch ladies." you say mimicking him.

"Go away Tana!" Kurt screams and throws you a pillow.

"Sorry i won't, i want to eat and watch some TV, so just please get a room."

"Santana.." Adam says. "Did you know you're my favorite?"

"I'm everyone's favorite." you throw him a kiss. "Oops sorry Adam, Kurt is going to get jealous."

"Sure Santana sure." Kurt says joking.

You sit on the table and you grab some cereal, Brittany's cereal actually, You smile when you grab it and you disappear for a moment in your thoughts when you get back to real life you see Kurt whispering something to Adam, you swears to god if they are talking about you, you will-

"Santana, did you talk with Rachel?" Kurt cuts your thoughts off.

"I did. We have to give her time.. give us both time." you say with a smile and they smile you back.

After a while Adam lefts and Rachel gets out of her room, she eats some cereal, Kurt is next to her and you sit with them too. None of you talk, each one of you has its own troubles and you need to think about them. You are eating Lucky charms, Brittany's favorite cereal...again. You actually like it and you remember her so it's good. The truth is.. you can't handle the silence so you eat one more spoonful and you throw the spoon softly.

"Okay guys, i'm sick." you say touching your head. "Can we talk about something? Like what are you guys thinking, tell me something. We are roommates right? We are best friends since high schoo-"

"Best friends?" Kurt cuts you off.

"Well, we were close to friends, but we are best friends now so... what are you guys thinking? i'm sick of this silence." you say.

"The same thing you were thinking a minute before you started talking like crazy." Rachel says drinking Kurt's tea.

"Brittany? You were thinking about Brittany?" you say sarcastically.

"Well, no but you know what i mean." Rachel says standing up and before she goes she holds her blanket and smells it. "I really hope you and Adam didn't do something dirty with my blanket in it okay Kurt? Because if you did i will kill you. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." Kurt and you say. "I'm going to sleep too, i'm really tired, see you in the morning." you say and you kiss him in the cheek before leaving.

When you lay and your bed and you're about to fall sleep without thinking any specific thing your phone rings and you grab it. You have a new message. Who send you a message at 11 pm? It's not that late but still. You can't believe she send it to you.

Brittany.

You smile watching her name and she send you a: _"hi._" You send her a message back saying:_ "Hi Britt, how are you?"_ After a while she replies to you again: _"I'm good, i just wanted to send you a message because i miss you, that's all.."_ You smile a little sad and you decide to reply her again and you can't believe you send this:_ "I miss you too, I love you Britt goodnight."_ Why did you send it? You are not dating her anymore, you have to let her move on but you don't want to, you can't. You need her but you want her to know you still care about her. After a while she doesn't reply so you suddenly fall asleep.

In the morning when you wake up, you see a light coming from your phone. You grab your phone quickly and you have a new message from Brittany that it says: _"I've always loved you the most."_


	7. Chapter 7

Well all you have to say is WOW.

You woke up at 6 am and you don't even know why. Kurt was doing weird noises and he's room is next to yours so you could hear him as if he were laying next to you. Of course that would be so creepy, you would punch him in the face without thinking twice. It's not because you don't like him, of course not, but you don't like people sleeping next to you if they are not Brittany. You could stay in bed all day if Brittany was next to you hands down but when other people are in your bed you're like a killer machine. They better not touch your bed. It was so early so you decided to read one more chapter of Brittany's book. You know you're going to get a little sad but you just want to feel her close to you. Even only reading that book.

You're on chapter 5 and it's called "Magic." She even named the chapters, she's so cute. You started reading and you didn't stop, the chapter had 7 pages and when you finished you were sobbing in the corner, you seriously should stop reading that book but you can't.

The chapter was about your first time with her, you never told anyone or even Brittany but you were virgin when you did it with her. You were so ashamed to say it out loud. You wanted people to think you lost your virginity before high school but you didn't. You lost your virginity with Brittany and it was _magic._ You will always remember that moment and you will never regret it. It's impossible.

You were on Brittany's house that night watching some movies and her parents left. You were both in bed wearing some pj's and after a while Brittany started stroking your hair and you were enjoying it while you were writing a song.

"What is it about?" Brittany said stroking your cheek and laying next to you.

"Uhmm, it's about... about us." you said staring at her. "About you and me, about how much i love you."

"And i love you more Santana." Brittany said and she kissed you on your lips. "But i don't like to hide Santana, I wish i could kiss you in front of everyone."

"I know and i want to kiss you too but you know people will always judge, no matter what." you say stroking her cheek. "But at least we have or friends and family that support us right? And i don't give a fuck about other people. I just want you." Brittany kissed you harder and you felt how your tongue was dancing with hers, she started to take off your clothes and you toke off hers.

And that was it. You kissed her on the neck and you were whispering i love you a lot. You just wanted to let her know that. That you love her. She slipped her hand and she touched you and you never felt that way before.

You didn't have only sex. You were making love with her.

Later, when you woke up you saw Brittany in front of you staring at you and your hands were holding.

"Good morning honey." she said.

"Hi, i love you." you said giving her a smile.

"I love you more."

You remember everything and you just want to call her, you want to take the train and give her a surprise and hold her hand and kiss her and be with her forever. You just want to go back to the start. But you can't and it hurts.

You calm down a little and you get out of your room and you sit next to Kurt who's watching a documentary.

"Why are you watching this?" you say. "It's so boring, you're so boring."

"Shut up, this is my TV and i can watch whatever i want to please be quiet."

"Ugh whatever i-" Someone knocks the door and you don't finish the sentence and you just roll your eyes. "I'm not going. It's your turn."

"I won't go Santana, don't be lazy. You never open the door, just go."

You roll your eyes and you stand up. You open the door and you are about to pass out. You can't believe what your eyes are seeing right now. A blon with green eyes is staring at you smiling. She's weaing a cool dress and she looks good actually.

"Quinn?" you say a little surprised. "Oh my god Quinn!" you scream and you hug her.

"Oh thanks god you still remember me Santana." Quinn says hugging you.

"Quinn oh god! What are you doing here?" Kurt says as he stands up and runs at her.

"Well, i'm taking vacations and i wanted to come to see my best friends here! Of course i love New york so.. can i stay with you guys?" Quinn says holding you hand and Kurt's.

"Of course you can stay here!" Kurt says with a big smile. The truth is that Kurt really loves Quinn. They are relly good friends. "You can sleep with me or Rachel, because Santana, well Santana she's selfish."

"Oh shut up." You say slapping him but not that hard. "My bed is only mine and Britt's...of course." you says trying to not look sad.

"Aw, it's okay." Quinn says giving you a smile. "Well, where's Rachel?"

"I think she's on her room. Please just sit, i'm coming for her." Kurt says and Quinn and you sit on the couch.

You stare at her for a while and she looks so different. She's grown up now but she still looks young of course. You can't believe she's here, what a weird surprise. "You finished staring at me?" Quinn says waving at you.

"Yeah, i guess but i'm actually afraid. What about Rachel huh? You didn't think about her? I don't want you to hurt her." you say seriously.

"The reason i'm here is because of her. I'm here to get it right. I broke up with that guy that i was only with him to feel something, to forget Rachel. To feel like i'm straight but that didn't work. I just can't hide my feelings for her. I'm so sorry for what i did and i'm here to do the right thing."

"I hope everything gets better Q." you says giving her a smile. "I really do, but if Rachel gets worse i swear to god that i'm going to kick you out of here. I'm sorry but i will."

She nods and she looks sad. Kurt comes and he looks hopeless. "She won't get out of her room! She doesn't want, i don't know what can i do.."

"I'll go." Quinn says giving Kurt and you a smile. "I promise i will fix everything."

You both nod and Kurt sits next to you while Quinn goes to Rachel's room and closes the door.

"I really hope this will help." Kurt says. "I'm really worried about Rachel."

"Me too, at least they will talk because Rachel has been ignoring her calls."

You both wait but you realize they will be there for a long time so you grab you jacket and you wave at Kurt who's almost sleeping. "I'll be out for a while" you whisper at him and he nods.

You walk and you just enjoy the weather. It's really warm and you like it, you even her the birds singing and you just want to start singing too but that would be weird so you better not.

You keep walking and you don't look back, you want to get lost or something, you don't really know what but you want an adventure. You don't want to keep being on that aparment for the rest of your live. You want to get out and forget about everything and everyone but even if you could you don't want to forget about Brittany. You can't.

You shake your head and you try to focus on your way. You need to focus on you, what will you do? You don't know what the hell you are doing. You haven't go to NYADA and you seriously need to go. It's your school and you can't go when you want, you have to go every day and build your life.

After a while of only walking you sit down on the garden and you just stare at the sky. At the blue sky. Blue as someone's eyes.

Ugh, you wish you could stop thinking about Brittany but you can't. You kinda build your life around her. Everything you do, everything you see, you hear or you touch remindes you of Brittany. You must be crazy. Yes, crazy. Crazy in love for her.

You lay on the ground and you don't care. You are in college and you are on the ground without any type of blanket or food or company and who cares? Just live life.

Suddenly you don't feel the sun in your closed eyes anymore so you open them. When you do, you see a small blond girl staring at you smiling. She's wearing some shorts and a pink shirt. She waves at you and you sit straight.

"Hi?" she says. "I don't know if you remember me but i was a cheerlader too. We talked sometimes but that was all. You are Santana right? Or am i crazy?"

"Oh yeah, yes i'm Santana." you says smiling and you stare at her for a minute and then you remember her. You talked with her sometimes and she was really nice and bitchy like you and you liked her. She was awesome. "You are Kitty right? Of course you are!"

"Aw you remember me!" she says with a big smile. "I'm really glad you do, are you on NYADA? Because i saw you once i guess, i don't know if ti was another person or something.."

"Oh yeah, i guess it was me. I'm studying there now, but i'm not going anymore, i'm new so.. I don't know a teacher told me about it, i have to save my voice or something.. It's really weird."

"Yeah, NYADA is really weird but i love it there, but people can be really mean, more than me and you. We always respected people and sometimes we crossed the line but we always did something to make it better..." she says looking down sadly.

You never saw Kitty like that, when you talked to her it was fun and she was always smiling and she could be mean sometimes but she never was mean to you or Brittany or Quinn. She was nice with the unholy trinity. Maybe because she knew if she messed with one of us she messed with all of us. But she was on glee club too, when you graduated she was a senior and Artie told you she got better and she wasn't that mean. You're really glad she's here, you can have one more friend here.

"Are you okay Kitty? If someone did something to you i swear to god i'll go all lima heights in their asses."

"Everything's okay don't worry, i'm just being paranoid." she says with a sad smile. "Well, it's so cool i found you! Promise me we'll see each other often, you promised in high school huh you bitch."

"Ha yes of course, but sorry my girlfriend was first." you say laughing. "But what about Artie huh? You both were really charming with each other.."

"Artie? He's only my friend please, and then we graduated and we talk sometimes but that is all. He will always be my friend just like Marley and Jake you know.."

"So freacking charming." you say and she starts laughing. You don't really remember who is Jake, well he's Puck's brother, that's all you know. "So besides NYADA, what are you doing here? Where are you staying?"

"Oh well, i have an aunt here so i'm staying with her. You are with Kurt and Rachel right? I saw them sometimes and we talk a little, i never thought you would end up living with them."

"Yeah, neither did i. But you know destiny. I really love them so i'm happy with them." you give her a smile and she smile you back.

"Well, it was great to talk with you again, i gotta go now." she says as she stands up and gives you a kiss on the cheek. "Don't be lazy and go to school you sloth!" she screams.

"Whatever you say, fake blond!" you scream her back and she laughs.

You stare at the sky again and you see how of blue the sky goes orange and you decide to go, you bet Kurt is worried. He's like a gay dad to you, he always worries and everything. You love him anyways and you like him being paranoid, it's funny.

You get to the apartment and you knock the door because you forgot the keys. Kurt opens the door and he sighs. "Finally! I was worried dork! Don't do it again."

"Oh c'mon, i'm an adult so shut up or i'm moving out." you say rolling your eyes and he rolls his eyes at you too. "Where's faberry? Still in the room?"

"No, Rachel dressed up and they went to drink coffee. I'm really glad they did because i was about to kick Quinn out of here. Rachel cried like crazy and they were screaming at each other. This is clearly not going to be easy."

"Of course not. Quinn can't think she'll be here and she will make it everything better so fast. She really did hurt Rachel and it's hard to fix a broken heart."

"Talking about broken hearts, how's yours Santana? I know you're trying to pretend you okay, but just like you hear all i do in my room, i do hear your sobs too."  
"I'm just hurt you know...I really miss Brittany and i want to have her next to me and i want to be her girlfriend again. But i guess this feeling will go soon. At least i know she can move on and be happy.." you sigh. "I never thought we would end up like this."

"This is not the end for Brittany and you, Santana." Kurt says holding your hand. "You both just need time and meet other people and you'll see how much you love each other and time goes fast and you'll find the way to be with her."

"I hope so. I really do."

You just stop for a minute and you start to think all the things you want to do when you get older. You want to marry someone, you want to adopt kids, you want to be famous and have someone to hug when you feel a little down. You want someone to lay down next to you. You want to hold hands with that person and go to parties with her and be able to say she's your wife. And if that person is not Brittany.

You don't want anyone to be.


End file.
